You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is the high leading the old right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
