Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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