He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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