I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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