I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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