i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
