I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
