hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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