I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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