It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
