the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
