Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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