i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
