I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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