i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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