I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
