I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
