The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
