I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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