I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
