i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
