AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
