I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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