Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
