i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
