Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need a burrito and a hug.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
