One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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