When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
