did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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