i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
