my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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