it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
