happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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