I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
