I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
