He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
