That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
