omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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