Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
