I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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