I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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