At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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