party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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