I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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