Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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