because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
