Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
