I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
