I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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