Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
