Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
