just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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